The Practice of Spiritual Friendship: A Contemplative Retreat

This 2027 retreat begins on a Thursday and ends on a Sunday. 

As he was sitting there, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, “This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie.”

“Don’t say that, Ananda. Don’t say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.

SN 45.2 “Upaddha Sutta: Half (of the Holy Life)” translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

According to Buddhist tradition, spiritual friendship (kalyāṇa-mittatā in Pāḷi) is central to the path of awakening and liberation from suffering. What is spiritual friendship, and how do we practice it with the people in our lives? Join poet Laura Brown-Lavoie and chaplain Ian Pereira Miles for a contemplative retreat exploring the dimensions of spiritual friendship.

Laura and Ian have cultivated a spiritual friendship since embarking on their journey through seminary in 2023. Together they have practiced formal meditation and listening techniques, co-ministry at a UU congregation, chaplaincy peer support, and informal mutual care — all while working towards their Masters of Divinity degrees alongside one another in the Buddhism and Interreligious Engagement program at Union Theological Seminary.

While Laura and Ian approach this retreat from a Buddhist foundation, this is space that actively welcomes and encourages contemplative practice from any or no tradition. This retreat affirms that all beings can be teachers, offering the wisdom of their particular perspective.

In this four-day retreat, Laura and Ian will support participants through periods of silent contemplative practice, and in group practices including:

• Insight dialogue
• Embodied self-expression
• Lectio divina and other poetry-based expressive practices
• Theological reflection
• Meditating on art and calligraphy
• Mindful eating

As this retreat coincides with Beltane— the halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice— we will also celebrate the energy of the lengthening days on our last night together with a bonfire. Beltane is an ancient celebration of the dyadic energy of spring, a fitting moment in the wheel of the year for us to practice spiritual friendship!

The intention of this retreat is to cultivate a felt sense of how another person’s mindfulness can deepen our own, and how to offer that to others in ordinary encounters, and through creative expression.

Retreat FAQ

Who is this retreat for?

This retreat is designed for people who are curious about the practice of noble silence, and how mindfulness can benefit our relationships and deepen our creative work. No formal meditation experience is necessary, just an openness to what arises when we put our phones aside, and cease our verbal chatter.

What will the retreat day look like?

Plan to arrive anytime between 3pm and 6pm on 4/29, with dinner and orientation to follow.  Friday and Saturday will begin at 8am breakfast and runs through our evening program, with breaks throughout the day for independent activity. We will engage in contemplative meditative practice together multiple times per day, both sitting and walking. Most of the retreat will be spent in Noble Silence, punctuated by time in the afternoon and evening of mindful listening and mindful speech. There will also be optional early-morning meditation sessions for those who would like to participate.  Sunday, our final day, will begin with 8am breakfast (or optional 7am meditation practice) and conclude between 11am and noon with departures.

What is Noble Silence?

Noble Silence is a retreat practice wherein speaking happens only when necessary. It invites us to notice and to be curious about our thoughts and feeling, attuning to subtle energies that often go unnoticed at other times.

Do I have to stay silent?

The practice of Noble Silence is foundational to the retreat’s structure, and participants are asked to respect the practice. Whether new to silent practice or an experienced practitioner, we invite you to embrace the invitation with curiousity and openness to what arises in and through this practice. As the practice of silence often brings us into contact with parts of the mind we otherwise avoid, facilitator office hours will be offered daily as a support for anyone who needs care around the experience.

Do I have to give my phone up?  Will you take it away?

Noble Silence is a practice. As with all practices, it benefits from focus and intention. To support the depth of your practice, we invite you to set your phone aside for the duration of the retreat. If this is a barrier to your participation, we ask that you avoid use of your phone in public spaces.  Devices will remain in the posession of their owners for the duration of the retreat.

What will the food be like?

All food is provided for the retreat, with a focus on vegetarian-forward cooking. Some meat will be available throughout the week, though we recommend bringing supplementary animal protein sources if that is a required part of your dietary practice.  There are refrigerators available around campus to keep personal items cool, but most lodging areas do not have kitchens.  The central kitchen will not available to guests during the retreat.